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Now for something a little more light hearted…

I may be a crazy lady with the things I get myself into sometimes. I get an urge of motivation to complete a DIY project in my house and can’t stop obsessing over it until it is done. Since I’m at home with the kids, I just sit and day dream about all the new things I want to do in the house. I’ve wanted to white- wash the brick on our huge fireplace for some time. That time was apparently nap time on a Tuesday.

For some miracle I got both of the kids down for a nap at the same time and they both napped an oddly long amount of time (thank you Jesus!) We had an open can of white paint from some of our other projects, so I mixed equal parts water with the paint. I used about 2 cups of water and 2 cups of paint. The white-washing paint mix actually goes a long way, so I could have probably just done 1 to 1.

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I started to go through and paint the brick which was scary and exciting at the same time. You have to move very quickly. The brick sucks up the paint mix and also makes it drip down if you’re not careful. I also had a wet cloth handy to do a little scrubbing on the bricks after a row was painted to bring the intensity down a bit. An optional thing to do.

I was happy with how it turned out when done, and it didn’t take too long at all! I stepped back and couldn’t handle the nasty brown wood color. I have wanted to redo our mantel for some time, but that was another project completely  (aka something the hubbs needed to be in on). I looked at the time, looked at the half pail of white paint, and decided to start to paint the wood.

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I was instantly happy with how it was turning out, but whatever kind of wood they used in the 70s was ridiculously gritty and hard to paint. It sucked up each stroke of paint like crazy. I was determined and kept going as far as I could before the kids woke up.

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The greatest prayer a mama has is that her children stay healthy. I pray for many other things (wisdom, compassion, faith, strength, etc) over my children as well, but health and protection are always the most prominent.

I’ve prayed especially over Gavin. Even in the womb, at just a few weeks gestation, we were getting news that things didn’t look absolutely perfect like you hope to hear. We prayed. Family prayed. Strangers prayed. Small groups prayed. Gavin defied it all through God’s miraculous healing hands. All of the things we were told could be true while in utero were wiped clean by God’s hand.

Now, what we were being told they were seeing “is common”. To someone who only wants to hear everything looks perfectly healthy, there is no common. There was only getting on knees to pray. There was only laying hands on my belly. There was only anointing with oil. God had a plan for him.

After birth, only a few short weeks into this life, new worries arose. Gavin’s breathing was different. His chest seemed to retract. His chin seems recessed. All things people and doctors shrugged off. Mama bear did not. I pushed for answers. Did my own research. And we now have a confirmed diagnosis. Laryngomalacia.

I keep saying how thankful I am. There are so many other diseases, illnesses, deformities that children have. We are extremely blessed that this is the diagnosis. We are blessed it is mild. We are blessed that he is gaining weight. We are blessed that he is able to breastfeed. We are blessed that he seems to not have reflux. We are blessed, we are blessed, we are blessed.

The prognosis is that he will grow out of it. They don’t think his chin will cause any problems and will also grow correctly. There are many variables and a long road ahead of constant watch. If he gets sick, even a small common cold, we will most likely spend our time at Children’s. It’s scary to have something that affects his airway. It’s scary when he chokes while eating. But we have faith. We continue to pray and lay hands on him. We give thanks to God for the incredible blessing Gavin is.

Gavin, meaning White Hawk; hawk of the battle. He will soar above this battle because there is victory in the name of Jesus.

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As I look back on turning 30, and welcome in the new year, I can’t help but reflect on all that my 20s brought. One phrase that kept repeating in my head as I thought through all that had happened  was “I became”. Let me explain…

I BECAME a college graduate. I was the first in my immediate family to go to a 4 year university. It was exciting, scary, and taught independence. It was the absolute best decision I had made in my young life. Not only did I become a WSU Cougar, a KD, a PR major and Hospitality minor, but I became part of a family of tradition, legacy, memories and had some of the best years of my life.

I BECAME a wife. Another great thing to come out of going to college was meeting my husband. B was someone  different that made me a better person and who I had a ton of fun with. We moved to Hawaii together after college which was another great adventure to add to my 20s.

I BECAME a baptized Christian. I grew up in the Catholic Church and during college and after meeting my husband, I identified more with the non denominational Christian church. We were both baptized as Christians together in Hawaii with our church One Love.

I BECAME a home owner. Moving into a home that was our ownership has been something I’m very proud of. It may not be the newest, but it’s ours,  and that makes it wonderful. We are constantly doing upgrades and finding our style, which is hard work but something we are very proud of.

I BECAME a career woman. Immediately after graduating from college, I had some time at Starbucks corporate, which I absolutely loved as my first out of college career. My career was stalled briefly when we moved to Hawaii for my husband to pursue his career dreams. After moving home from Hawaii, I embarked on a career journey at Microsoft that gave me many great opportunities. During my latest time at Microsoft, I found a love for Visual Merchandising. I continued to work hard to further my career there and find my passion in my work, while balancing life at home.

I BECAME a mother. Bringing two beautiful babies into the world has changed my life and heart beyond measure. What a gift and blessing it is to become a mother. I am in a season of focusing on how to be the best mother I can be to these two, which has its daily challenges, but is a job I wouldn’t trade.

The 20s were such an amazing, challenging, searching, life-changing, adventurous time. Can’t wait for all to come in this next decade!

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In case we decide, or it is decided for us, to have more children,  I feel that it is necessary to write my future self a note to be reminded what things will be like the first 3 weeks post partum and how I will survive. Here we go:

Hey you. You exhausted, slightly smelly, old mascara dusted eyes, moody, you. The next 3 weeks may feel, and may be, some of the most physically and mentally difficult weeks of your young life.

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The birth. You may have chosen to have another C-section or you may have done a VBAC, either way, don’t feel guilty for your decision. Try to ignore those that make you feel like whatever you chose was wrong. While you work through that mental mind game, whatever way you did choose to give birth will cause you great pain.  Like, lots of pain. And those pain meds that feel glorious for the moment? They will impregnate your bowels to allow you to enjoy the feeling of a VBAC, without an epidural, for the first few weeks post baby. Take the stool softeners. Eat Medamucel crackers like they are candy. Drink prune juice like it is that beer you craved all pregnancy. Look forward to the sapository like a baby-free night on the town. Yay you!! Try, please for the love of God, to quickly wean off the major pain meds. And when you are in the hospital,  some of the first days major pains will be caused by gas. Ask the nurse for gas meds immediately. You’re welcome.

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The first days home. You will remember how hard you felt things were with just the first baby. Then you will remember how truly hard it was going from one to two. You didn’t realize you can’t lift your toddler for 6 weeks or do anything around the house for fear of activating pain and the dreaded post partum period soaking through your sexy granny panties or mesh tear away boy shorts from the hospital with your medical grade 16″ long pad. Hang in there.  Enlist family to help at least the first 3 weeks. Use a step stool to assist your toddler up and down where you can’t lift. And rest. Seriously. Stop trying to do chores. Stop bending down and lifting things that “are probably fine”. Limit the Costco trips. I know it feels great to get out, but it’s not fun to keep bleeding.

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The moods. The thoughts. The tears. The confusion. The “baby blues”, “sundowning” – is real. So real and so horrid. You will feel panicky. You will feel hopeless. You will feel pain. You will feel silly. You will feel frustrated. You will feel ashamed. Lost. Sad. It will feel foreign. It will be terrifying that it could last. Lucky for you, it should only last about the first two weeks. Some others won’t be so lucky as it may last longer. Talk to your doctor if it goes beyond 3 weeks. Remember that with your first you didn’t have this at all, so it could be fine! But above all, remember you aren’t going crazy. Your hormones are just intense. And they will regulate.

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The sleeping. Or the non-sleeping. You will be a human milk machine. The baby will not have a schedule. They will demand food, be irregular in timing to eat, how long they eat, and when they sleep. They may be great for two days and turn into a horrible, confusing, demanding little love bug the next two days. And when I say days, I mean 24 hours. Not like 9 to 5 kinda thing. Round the clock. You may only get sleep with the baby on your chest as you lay completely flat, built up with pillow around you for fear of the baby rolling off you in your sleep. It’s ok. Remember number one? This too shall pass. It may take over 15 months like your first, but it will eventually. At least that’s what they say.

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The Googling. You will become the best researcher for the first 3 weeks (and beyond,  let’s be honest). Your Google searches will mimic a hypocondriac’s. Your new babies doctor’s file may become thick with visits because “the baby is breathing nasally”. Remember it’s all okay. Knowledge feels like power and peace of mind at this time. But remember to take caution. You may find yourself on a website convincing you that your newborn needs reconstructive chin surgery. Yes, that was my reality for a sleepless night. You have insurance. Your doctor won’t tell you she thinks your crazy, although she may think it. If they tell you this, find a new pediatrician.

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The house will be dirty. The dogs will drive you crazy. You will feel overwhelmed – a lot. Someone will need you at every second in your house. Remember,  you need you too. Try to pee when you need to, put the baby down to free your hands for at least 15 minutes a day, play with your other kids the best you can,  watch shows all day on those days you just need it, and remember to enjoy this time too. They are only this little once.  And each day, remember you all will never be as young as you are that day. So hug them a little closer, take deep breaths, and rock that crusty mascara and greasy hair. It’s called Motherhood. And it looks good on you.

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One week ago our family of three became four with the addition of little baby G. This last week has been all consuming of every emotion available in the human body and physically so rough for this repeat c-section mama. But one week feels like a great accomplishment right now.

Little M has taken quite well to her new baby brother – a truly answered prayer. Sure, she has her moments, but we all have many times this week. She is such a trooper. Brad has been an incredible help, which always makes me fall more in love with him. My mom has taken on the challenge of staying with us which has been a HUGE blessing. Sometimes a mama still needs her mama.
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We are all adjusting to this new life which both terrifies and excites me. I’m exhausted, recovering, can’t lift my daughter for 6 weeks {still trying to figure out the logistics of that between changing diapers and naps and mornings in and out of a crib}, and overall so in love with this beautiful baby boy.

As I embark on this new journey and write most posts during middle of the night feedings, please keep us in your prayers. Pray for a very speedy recovery, for my emotional wellbeing, and for our new life as a family of four.

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By the way, if you are wanting to get an adorable personalized baby gift, I found the customized blanket and beanie in the first picture through Pearl Pear Designs on Etsy. She was so wonderful to work with and created the design with very minimal direction. We love it!!