Never Settle for Complacency


I haven’t been married long. Only for about 4.75 years {but who’s counting?}. I have so very much to learn about marriage, about being married to my husband and about being the best wife possible. I actually believe that this learning will never stop. Who wants learning to stop though? We are so fortunate for even the opportunity to continue to learn and grow.

There are times I can look at my short marriage and relationship to my husband and I can point to some of our lowest moments. There are times I can point out our best moments thus far. But what about all that in-between time? What about the times where we became stuck in the day-to-day and if anyone asked, I would respond “…fine?” to how my marriage was going? What about those times, months, sometimes years where we are nothing but complacent in our marriage?

I had mentioned before how much I enjoy reading and researching.  I enjoy challenging myself and learning different ways to handle situations and reflecting on my words and actions. I follow a wonderful group on Facebook simply titled “Marriage”. They post a lot of questions and articles to challenge different aspects of your relationship and self.

I found one article recently that really struck a nerve. The complacent nerve. Challenging me to stir things up. Never in a negative way, but in an inspiring way. This article was  “7 questions you need to ask your spouse”. Simple. Just 7.

I kept this article in the back of my mind for a few weeks, not wanting to rock the boat, as everything was fine. We went on a very last minute, but necessarily annual trip to Leavenworth just before Christmas, and I knew that this uninterrupted drive time would be the perfect opportunity to ask these questions. I definitely blind-sided my poor hubby, whom I’m sure was perfectly happy being where we were in everything is “just fine” mode. Or was he?


As the questions started pouring out, our answers and reactions ranged from defensive, to funny, to caring, to despising, to feeling hurt, feeling loved, feeling encouraged — definitely rockin’ the boat. But here is the thing; it was awesome. It gave us both things to work on, but it also opened something. It opened a dusty door, that had been shut for some time on our marriage getting blocked by complacent comments, actions and love.

Things that were brought to the surface due to those questions, are still being worked on, either together or by ourselves. Every day is a challenge, and some things are habitual and will take a lot of diligence to break. It is wonderful having something to work on that ultimately is bringing us closer. It is exciting to work for the best marriage.

I highly recommend going through these questions with your spouse. They may bring up deep wounds, but I absolutely encourage you to go through this together to come out stronger. And I may add, try to have your spouse be in an “open-minded” space about these questions, and don’t blind-side him so much like I did!

1 thought on “Never Settle for Complacency”

  • Though I’m not married and nowhere close to a marriage but I simply loved the rawness and honesty in your words – something that everyone who have an urge to be constantly improve and evolve should read, married or not married 🙂

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